woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
