you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We need to get me chipped asap
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
