LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
