i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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