dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
