Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
