And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize