I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
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I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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