i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can I color on your dick again?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
