I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
