There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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