I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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