Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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