Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
