i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
