like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
