Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
