I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
