Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize