Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair