Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday