i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.