If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.