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• (517): View more from Michigan

  I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?

  (1-630): View more from Illinois

  did you know it's going to storm tonight?

  (630): View more from Illinois

  You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.

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• (669): View more from California

  sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall

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  19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (205): View more from Alabama

  we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.

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• (563): View more from Iowa

  please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.

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• (478): View more from Georgia

  We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  there are ass prints on the hood of my car.

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  The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry

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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube

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