Texts From Last Night

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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.

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  (401): Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick. http://tfl.nu/vuwe
  Replies (17) Good night (1411) Bad night (4320)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7923) Bad night (996)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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  (314): So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs. http://tfl.nu/hgyg
  Replies (14) Good night (5346) Bad night (1231)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?

  (1-330): View more from Ohio

  she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.

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  (330): why is there cat hair all over my deoderant? (1-330): she wanted to smell more freshershest than you. http://tfl.nu/rk6z
  Replies (33) Good night (5951) Bad night (1766)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.

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  (262): it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day. http://tfl.nu/nryu
  Replies (6) Good night (2654) Bad night (1000)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.

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  (319): This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner. http://tfl.nu/r7j7
  Replies (7) Good night (911) Bad night (3042)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister

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  (973): I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister http://tfl.nu/i2jt
  Replies (17) Good night (6731) Bad night (1340)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her

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  (905): She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her http://tfl.nu/rw3c
  Replies (8) Good night (2468) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...

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  (412): New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move... http://tfl.nu/y03w
  Replies (12) Good night (3402) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (254): View more from Texas

  I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.

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  (254): I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire. http://tfl.nu/x5cn
  Replies (11) Good night (2192) Bad night (706)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball

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  (724): Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball http://tfl.nu/n4gl
  Replies (5) Good night (989) Bad night (718)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.

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  (614): telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though. http://tfl.nu/tou6
  Replies (11) Good night (1879) Bad night (603)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing

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  (203): this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing http://tfl.nu/0rfp
  Replies (5) Good night (662) Bad night (423)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?

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  (651): WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED? (612): WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH? http://tfl.nu/zn4r
  Replies (0) Good night (852) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"

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  (817): I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here" http://tfl.nu/ku7n
  Replies (2) Good night (507) Bad night (472)

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