This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
