You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
