Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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