I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
