MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize