smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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