Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
