I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
