all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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