I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
