Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize