So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize