Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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