we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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