that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
