I think I am morally bankrupt
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
