sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
