I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
