shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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