I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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