I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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