after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
