cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
