I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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