Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
