Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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