U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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