i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
