We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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