WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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