And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
