His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
