dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
