lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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