My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I want is dick and wine.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize