Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
