yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
