she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
