My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
