i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
