So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize